


Spoken Rules Accepted by the Operators of Team Rainbow in Hereford Base

by mirrorworldangel



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, and by Grain_crain, and if you are curious of some of them, and many others I cannot list out, based on some Tumblr posts by kiki_92, be my guest, i will explain it to you in more detail at the comments, if you want to wirte a fanfic based on these rules, its too long, just tag me first, thatcher and kaid are so fed up with them all, there is so much bullshit happening at the base, you can recommend some more of the craziest rules at the comments below
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2020-08-14 09:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20190199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirrorworldangel/pseuds/mirrorworldangel
Summary: Rules ever agreed by everyone not to do ever again. Period.





	1. First Base

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiki_92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_92/gifts), [Grain_Crain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grain_Crain/gifts).

> A collection of rules based on headcanons and ideas from @r6shippingdelivery and @grain-chain -drain on Tumblr and some of my fanfics here. Sorry, I am not active as I used to on Tumblr, it's just that my phone decided to be a bitch by being broken so I have to send it for repairs until tomorrow.
> 
> The list here can be added by your suggestions, just say it out in the comments and I will add it up here. I f you want to use some of them as fanfic prompts be my guest, just tag me first.

  1. Do. Not. Flirt. With. Rook. In. Front. Of. Doc! We do not want to repeat ‘**The Baguette**’ incident.
  2. If you can’t cook to save a life, stay the fuck away from the kitchen.
  3. As much as most of us wanted to, the tank is not a car you can use for a joyride.
  4. Do not steal other people’s lunches. You don’t know if some of them are the decoys laced with laxatives.
  5. Smoke is not allowed to let the darn crow roam freely unless you want your shiny valuables ended up with Rook.
  6. Mozzie is not allowed to use his pets snake and arachnids for ‘shits and giggles’.
  7. Gridlock is **FOREVER** banned for ever bringing her pet rooster here again.
  8. Do not call Nokk _La Llorona_. She will fuck you up. Psychologically.
  9. You want good food; ask Maestro, Castle, Hibana or Glaz (if he wants to). You want to get your devices fixed, ask Twitch. You want coupons, ask Blitz. You want booze, ask the Lord Tachanka. You want to get groceries done at cheap prices, ask Thatcher. You want someone to babysit your pet, ask Rook and Thermite. You want blackmail info, ask Dokkaebi (but bribe her first so she does not have any backup for leverage). But if you want lubes and condoms of different varieties, ask Doc.
  10. Don’t get intimidated/scared/threatened when Kapkan gives you a dead animal. It’s how he says he likes or appreciates you. Just, make sure Rook’s not there.
  11. Buck will kill you if you mess with Frost.
  12. You make Rook cry, the whole GIGN will come and get you.
  13. Keep the sex volume as low as possible. This is not a brothel.
  14. Knock first before entering Doc’s office – or any room – what you end up seeing is your responsibility.
  15. Never talk about fathers in front of the Bozak sisters. It took a shit long time to get them back along.
  16. Bandit is forbidden to enter the garage alone. Get your own car batteries, you cheapskate.
  17. Maverick’s blowtorch is not a suitable lighter at all. Ask _everyone_ involved in the ‘**4th July Fire**’ incident.
  18. Never use Capitao’s crossbow and Smoke’s poison gas grenades **together**.
  19. If you wanna do something stupid, at least let Doc already has his first three cups of coffee for the day.
  20. Twitch and Mozzie, stop with the early morning yelling feuds already! **Do you want that fucking rooster to be back here!?**
  21. Can someone keep an eye on Vigil and Lesion when they are both drinking together?
  22. Don’t mess with Maestro’s cooking. The ‘**Siracha Balls**’ incident is a good example if you do.
  23. If you see either Ying or Clash or Caviera fighting together at the same time, turn away. Same goes with Kapkan and Glaz.
  24. Any full – scale food fights/paintball wars/parties/prank wars etc. are excusable if it **ONLY** happens on April 1st or at holiday celebrations. Any other day you will be reported for disciplinary actions. _(We are all looking at you, Bandit)._
  25. Warden’s suits are not cheap, you are in charge of the dry cleaning or repairs if you do so.
  26. Smoke, enough with that fucking [**cat song**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUevNmTpo8c) at 3 am.
  27. It is highly unadvisable to play the Russian anthem when Tachanka is at the opposite team.
  28. Don’t even think about making Sledge’s kilt fly like Marilyn Monroe. Bandit and a reluctant Echo learnt it the hard way.
  29. Mistletoes are meant for kissing for the holidays, not a starter for a fuckfest nor a fistfight.
  30. Always call Mira if her husband Tachanka does/about to do something stupid.
  31. Do not mock both the Senaviev – Alvarez pair. The married couple could fuck you up badly, even without the back-up from the other Spetznaz and Jackal.
  32. Start fights with Lion and you will end up face-to-face with Montagne. He’s only meant to fight with Doc.

_*This list of rules gets longer in time. Whatever bullshit happens it might be added here.*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Six’s reluctance,

_(M.B<strike>KR</strike>) _ ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow 

_(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)_


	2. UPDATE!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another batch of rules cause these operators can't stop!

** UPDATE!!! **

_*Apparently new rules will be added because SOME of you lots do not understand when enough is enough, also have fucking mercy on us both and Doc already!!*_

  1. Smoke, Lesion, enough with the public sexual displays.
  2. No matter how much it’s a great bonding exercise for the team and your wife, Tachanka, we **WILL NOT** add a stripper pole.
  3. Pole dancing and strip-teasing **WILL NOT** be a training regime. Please stop with the pleading letters for this already.
  4. Again, Sledge no hook-grappling in a kilt, even though some people deserved it.
  5. Do your own laundry, separately. And whose tiger printed briefs are those?
  6. Rook, Smoke, it’s very immature of you to make a meme out of Kaid’s pseudonym. Go apologize.
  7. If you can’t do any of the stunts Mozzie do, **DON’T**!
  8. Glaz, we’ve seen your dick. Painting a perfect portrait with it still weird us out.
  9. Please clean yourself up after leaving the K-9 Unit Areas. Some of the operators and recruits are allergic to fur.
  10. No, you cannot use any gun to get rid of spiders and house geckos. Especially Maverick’s blowtorch. Do you want to repeat the ‘**4th July fire**’?
  11. If you cannot handle any form of marijuana, **AVOID** the pot brownies Blitz and IQ make.
  12. If any of the female recruits or operators are harassed in social media, call Smoke and he shall lend you his arse.
  13. Whoever’s idea to wrap plastic sheets at every door is dead meat.
  14. Any form of wild animals listed as pets MUST have an acceptance form from Harry and a form of duty (guard dog, emotional support, etc.). So don’t even think of smuggling it in, even if it’s unintentional. No, that does not mean we are mad at you, Rook. Calm the fuck down.
  15. Can someone explain what is this purpose of this so-called “**Book Club**” activities!?

_*Again, this list will have future additional changes if any other stupid accidents occur in the future. What are you all, children?*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.B<strike>KR</strike>) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	3. ANOTHER UPDATE!!! And some notices.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooohh...now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short paper is taped next to the notice, written in fine, elegant handwriting with blue ink.
> 
> "I am sorry I will be unavailable to maintain the peace while you are gone, Mr Baker, for I am needed for a mission in Poland under orders from Mr Pandev (Six) for some time along with the other operatives. Your second-in-command, Mr Cowden (Sledge) would be in charge instead. Godspeed with these men and women!"
> 
> ( جلال الفاسي)  
(Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi),  
Commanding Leader of  
Defender Team of Rainbow

** ANOTHER UPDATE!!! **

_*Again, you fuckers!? Once this report is done, I am going to take a vacation! You hear me lots! (A! VACATION! And I am bringing Thermite with me! )Deal your own bullshit while I am gone!* (**An arrow pointed to the underlined words along with some scribbles, this time in different handwriting using blue marker saying “Good luck visitin’ the in-laws!”**)_

  1. Thermite, I love you but please for the love of GOD stop yelling YEETHAW or some shit when we are training. (_A scribbled sentence that wrote “HE SAID HE LOVES ME! xD” in black marker surrounded in hearts was written at the corner of the paper, with an arrow pointing to the underlined words._)
  2. Rook, the dogs are now **BANNED** from the cafeteria. Maestro kept complaining about the food thefts.
  3. Booty shorts are NOT an acceptable form of sportswear. Especially [THIS KIND](https://www.depop.com/products/jehan16-panic-at-the-disco-are/) AND [THIS KIND](http://www.ohpapillon.com/2018/08/create-art-thou-nasty.html).
  4. The ‘**Bikini Top’** incident, why!?
  5. Please keep an eye on Rook at **ALL COSTS**! Doc will have our heads if he wanders too far, training base or not.
  6. Jaeger, stop biting** EVERY** person you like or hate. Remember your teeth! (**thanks @glitchky for the sharp teeth headcanon**)
  7. Again Jaeger, call your dog somewhere NOT packed with confusing people. And why did you name your dog of all other names ‘Grenade’? (**again, thanks to @glitchky for the German Shepard pet headcanon**)
  8. Please, we all know another Kinky Christmas Dress-up Pageant is a no-go. Would you rather wear nothing but leather and thin fabric on a December again!? After the last time!?
  9. Whose idea is it to use toilet paper to wrap up ALL the vehicles? Including the tank?
  10. Stop lying to Dulca and making up fake stories about Smoke. Pity the poor lemur and the lad! (**shout out to @pop-six-squish**)
  11. How did **ALL** of the uniforms in the washing machine #6 turn pink in one hour!?
  12. We all agreed to never speak about Showdown in front of Thermite or else he teams up with Fuze to troll us all. No matter if you are team ally or not. He’s still sore about it.
  13. Shooting someone with a staple gun **FUCKING HURTS**!!!

_*Again, this list will have future changes if any other stupid accidents occur in the future. Al-Fassi, you’re in charge while I am gone! So be good, children!*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.B<strike>KR</strike>) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A yellow sticky note was placed on top of the notice 30 minutes after it was pinned to the board.
> 
> "Operation Red Bull is now a success, laddies!"


	4. HOMECOMING UPDATE!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thatcher and Thermite's back, and oh boy.....
> 
> .....what did they do when he's gone?

** HOMECOMING UPDATE!!! **

* _I leave you all for one week, ONE WEEK! And look what bullshit all of you left at my office! *_

  1. Whoever’s next in charge of the barbecue, don’t ever wear a thong. Even if it’s meant as a joke, we do not want any sexual harassment complaints about being smacked in the ass.
  2. Please refrain from calling your respective partners “Daddy” loudly in public. There seems to be a mixed communication in some of the operators.
  3. No, we will not have that ‘**_naked body sushi platter’_** It’s unhygienic and weird to look at. God forbid anyone here volunteering for that!
  4. Dokkaebi, sending other peoples nudes and porno as distraction in training is rude. And how did you get those!?
  5. **Area 51 is OFF LIMITS**!!! I will not allow any suspicious ‘training’ preparations for doing that sort of shit!!!
  6. _Speaking of that put those missing guns and bulletproof vests back to where they belong!_
  7. Amaru’s grappling hook launcher is not a toy so you lots can try to be Spiderman.
  8. Goyo, Capitao, it’s just a game of dominoes stop making it look like a soap opera drama.
  9. If you lots still want to do your Sunday morning naked yoga, **_do it in your own rooms_**. I don’t want to see dangling balls and mooning backsides from my window on the first thing I see in the morning.
  10. I know you want to show off some moves, Tachanka, but please at least it’s appropriate and not overly sexual?
  11. Whoever sleeps on ‘**The Couch’**, the fate of your face and body is on your own.
  12. Every time you would barge in and force entry, please stop singing the ‘Wrecking Ball’ chorus, Sledge.
  13. **Twerking, God no!**
  14. Frying pans and shovels are **FORBIDDEN** to be used as a counter weapon against Asena!
  15. Never speak about [this dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g-HMrkMmjk), **EVER AGAIN**!!!
  16. **Go to bed, Doc**. Do you want to make Rook cry for you?
  17. Valkyrie, your Black Boxes are not PokeBalls.
  18. Vigil you are scary enough, never try to enter a hole like some long-haired Asian ghost (or _sadako_, whatever).
  19. Please don’t make [any blowjob gestures](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX7CAoxBNOU)! (_watch that video at 2.05_)
  20. **WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SWITCHIN ALL OF THE FLAGS INTO RACY UNDERPANTS ON THE FLAGPOLES IN ONE NIGHT!!!? **

* _You little shits will be the death of us all….And to the newcomers Goyo and Amaru, you will get used to it._ *

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.B<strike>KR</strike>) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	5. UPDATE, AGAIN!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day/year, another bullshit made by team Rainbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long update, I am now facing my semester final exams this month so I am not really that active in posting my fanfics here. But once the exams are done, I can now complete them, and hopefully would not add some more WIPs in my ever-growing file. Thanks for understanding! Like before, if you got any other ideas to be added to the list, wanting to know more about the rules or use the rules as a fanfic prompt, do tell me at the comments below and don't forget to tag me.

** UPDATE, AGAIN!!! **

_*Another day, another bullshit committed to be added to this fucking list.*_

  1. Okay, who taught Rook to sing to Cardi B songs?
  2. Maverick’s blowtorch, again, is not a toy to draw (burn in this case) dick pictures on the wall. Same goes with firearms.
  3. Please refrain from having sex at the rec room, even if it’s after midnight.
  4. Alibi, don’t use your gadget to cut or mark your place in the waiting line. Be polite.
  5. Never ask anyone to translate Ying or Capitao’s mother language. They tend to have a potty mouth. (_Same goes with Castle and Maverick’s conversations. **Have mercy on Vigil**._)
  6. Jager, we know you want to share some stuff you just found out from TV, but please try **not to send them at 3 am?**
  7. Capitao, Goyo, stop taking your shit ass rivalry to the training simulators. Both of you lots make these damages look like a Rambo accident.
  8. **HOW ON EARTH A COUNTRYSIDE HORSE IS SMUGGLED INTO THE BASE UNNOTICED!!? RIGHT INTO THE NEW YEARS EVE PARTY!!?**
  9. Never play the Russian Anthem when the entire Russian Spetznaz is in a single team. It will get ugly.
  10. **KEEP THAT FUCKING BIRD ON CONTROL, SMOKE!!!**
  11. Halloween is meant for trick or treating, dress up parties and booze, **NOT for chasing down Recruits across the hallways in psycho killer costumes**. You’ve sent 12 of them to Doc for that.
  12. Even when you are drunk, try not to pole dance on the flagpoles.
  13. Absolutely NO one have sex on top of the base vehicles, especially ‘THE TANK’!!!
  14. You want pretty dresses; get Warden, the fairy Godfather. If you can’t afford to buy them, just return them in a ‘_clean and good’_ condition after that. (_You can buy it, be my guest. Don’t ask me **HOW MUCH** do they cost._)
  15. Rook’s plates are not a suitable replacement Frisbee. A broken jaw and a sprained wrist is a good reason why.
  16. Should I even tell you the basic physics of ‘why it is a stupid idea to clash each other with two yoga balls together’!!?
  17. If you are not that flexible, don’t do yoga. You’ll only get hurt and add more of Doc’s endless paperwork.
  18. Fine, everyone can go do that Lady Gaga aerobics dance for the Pride Parade, since you lots so insisted about it!
  19. Bandit, Lion, try lower down the rock music, its **7AM**!!!
  20. If you want to do your underwear dance or ballet (Rook), make sure there are not a lot of people in the rec room with you?
  21. We can all agree that Rook is a man full of surprises and surprising talents. _Doc, you better be good to him **or else**_.
  22. Why are you fighting each other in inflatable T-Rex costumes and toy lightsabers?
  23. The Krampus abduction thing is kind of an accepted tradition among the Germans, so be nice and jolly or else team Krampus gets ya to do their shit on you.

_*Like before, the list will be added as soon as another bullshit idea has been made by you. I guess the newcomers are now used to this kind of disaster by now.*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me and ask at @mirrorworldangel on Tumblr.


	6. Chapter 6

** ANOTHER UPDATE, AGAIN **

_*Will this ever end, I don’t think so.*_

  1. Mute, stop using your jammers to hog all of the WIFI to yourself. Didn’t your mother ever teach you to share?
  2. Whoever crosses the rec room during Wii game nights, be prepared for possible flying game controllers.
  3. If you see Lesion standing at the centre of the room with a fly swatter/rolled newspaper in hand, get out of there. His hit-the-fly (or ‘flyssacre’ as he calls it) range is the entire room and that includes your face.
  4. Kaid, where did you get those hordes of kittens from?
  5. Stop being nosy about Doc and Rook’s relationship & sex life. Give them the privacy they needed.
  6. You are maybe called the ‘Lord Tachanka’, but please stop walking around the base only in a blanket wrapped like a toga; we can see the shape of your balls and backside. Also, Mira’s getting jealous.
  7. To the Recruits of Rainbow, don’t even think about flirting your senior/mentor operators. **MOST** of them are in a relationship with each other.
  8. Stop licking lollipops or blowing chewing gums while making bedroom eyes in a meeting. Do that later.
  9. Even if its’ quite impressive and downright hilarious, please stop making using covers with rubber chickens?
  10. Smoke, again with the cat music! NOW WITH BONGO CAT!!?
  11. Please don’t let both Dokkaebi & Vigil sing together in karaoke?
  12. Whenever Kapkan and Bandit are together in one room, keep an eye on those two AT ALL TIMES! These double brats are a combination of a disastrous prank. Worse if Jaeger is along for the ride.
  13. Don’t barge into other people’s bedroom for pranks while they are sleeping. You don’t know if are doing something else.
  14. [**Why are you singing and ‘waking me up just to be an asshole’ playing the ukulele while I am sleeping!!?**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpnZ44HFcOg)
  15. Don’t even think about riding on Echo’s drone like a baby car. It’s speedier than it looks.
  16. Doc is **FORBIDDEN** to use his _stim needles_ as _throwing knives_! They hurt like a bitch and Smoke is still pissed about you and his balls. Just tell us immediately if your stim pistol is broken.
  17. Anybody who disregards rule no.7 here will face [the Sterling Punishment Games](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY2nVQNlUB8).
  18. Anybody who can’t go to work due to vehicular problems, do tells us and we will pick you up. Smoke, you can give your daughter’s scooter back to her.
  19. Whose idea is it to duct tape rows of _rubber chickens_ on **EVERY** vehicle front and back bumper!!?
  1. We see London; we see Paris; Lesion, stop hanging your underpants outside of your balcony window.

_*Like I said before, the list will ever grow longer the more bullshit is ever made by all of you. God help us with the Autumn Bullshitery months*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	7. AGAIN AND AGAIN, AN UPDATE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now what?

** AGAIN AND AGAIN, AN UPDATE! **

_*Why do I even bother?*_

  1. Stop howling late at night with the Hounds at the top of the tank on **EVERY FULL MOON**!
  2. First dogs, then cats, ravens, chickens, snakes, spiders, and now a _duck and its ducklings_!!? Really Rook?
  3. Mozzie is forbidden to hack Lion’s EE-ONE-Ds and Echo’s Yokai's’ for **controlling a live pigeon army**. _What the fuck man_!!?
  4. Thermite, we know it’s you who’s been smuggling all of those stray puppies into the base.
  5. The local bar named “The Broken Mug” has banned almost 70% of the operators here due to the excessive damages made on the mugs. Ol’ Finn refuses to accept the reason “_It’s called The Broken Mug, where are the broken mugs?_”
  6. Please refrain from putting your dildos in the dishwasher. Both Maestro and Castle had a heart attack from that.
  7. Bandit and Jaeger are forbidden to play their vegetables (especially broccoli) and flinging them at other operators to start a food fight.
  8. Glaz is forbidden to climb onto the top of **ANY** poles just for no apparent reason.
  9. Thatcher is not allowed to misuse his EMP Grenades when others are having movie/TV series/Netflix nights.
  10. Please label **ALL** of your respective matchstick boxes to avoid any misunderstandings and forming petty fistfights.
  11. Absolutely **NO** “_Truth or Fight Until Truth_” games.
  12. Do not steal Fuze’s food while he is eating unless you want to get stabbed by a fork.
  13. Doc is forbidden to play “Make Your Choice” from the movie ‘Saw’ when it comes to the last stim bullet or the handgun
  14. Please refrain from answering a question made by a _SENIOR_ operator using popular memes, vine quotes or slangs.
  15. If you want to apply the ‘5-second rule’ make sure Doc is not there, OR ELSE HE GOES APESHIT!!!
  16. After several complaints had been made, a spare room will be converted into ‘The Scream Room’. Twitch, you can now go in there to scream out your stress. (_Or sing out your ‘rock and roll’ vents out._)
  17. Again, WHO KEEPS SMUGGLING THAT COUNTRYSIDE HORSE INTO THE BASE DURING A PARTY!!?
  18. If you are using modern Gen Z slangs, call Rook to translate for the others. Same goes for Gridlock for Mozzie’s Australian English.
  19. If Jaeger is found sitting in front of the grandfather clock watching the ticking movement of the second hand, _drag him to his room and make him go to bed_.
  20. Echo is NOT allowed to take knives on his Yokai drones as a Roomba surrounded with knives.

_*Again, the list will ever grow longer the more bullshit is ever made by all of you. And again you will find and do something to fuck up.*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	8. NEW BASE, NEW BULLSHIT UPDATES!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After moving, new problems arise. And not just from the NIGHTHAVENs

** NEW BASE, NEW BULLSHIT UPDATES! **

_*This time I will not ask*_

  1. Rook is not allowed to roam the base in **ANY** form of lingerie or sexy dresses, even if it is for a celebration.
  2. We will warn you, again, if anybody flirts on Rook who is breaking _Rule no. 1 here_ you will be punched face-first by Doc himself.
  3. Everybody **AVOID** Tachanka as far as possible if you see him with his helmet drawn with angry eyebrows in sharpies.
  4. Rook is forbidden to lash out and throw everyone the plates. 8 operators, 2 Recruits and 4 NIGHTHAVVENs (including Kali and Wamai) are hospitalized because of you.
  5. Reshaping the training grounds into a copy of DOOM gameplay is forbidden. We do not want to resend the operators back to therapy after the Outbreak.
  6. The new base in Greece functions just like the same as Hereford, **_NOT_**_ a honeymoon spot where you can have sex at any vacant area you like!_
  7. All NIGHTHAVEN operators are **ENFORCED** to read all of the rules on the lists!!! Or else harsh actions will be taken (and this time your lawyers will not save you).
  8. It is highly discouraged to dance the ‘Baby Shark’ in loudspeaker next to their mascot shark (**_how stupidly ironic - T_**)
  9. Kaid should be avoided from bringing back stray cats and kittens to the base again!
  10. Maestro is banned from serenading his opera music at the highest roofs of the new base at the dead ass of the night! _No matter if he is drunk or not…_
  11. **ABSOLUTELY NO SKINNY DIPPING!!! AT ANYWHERE!!!**
  12. This is not a nudist beach; _put your clothes on boys_!
  13. Alright, who told the Recruits to catch _an oiled piglet through the ENTIRE base_ as an _enlistment test_? I am not mad, honest. (**_HE IS AND HE’S LYIN’ RUN FER YER LIVES!!! - M_**)
  14. Thermite is forbidden to remove ice using a flamethrower!! Don’t give me the excuse of “**_not having the power to move four billion tons of white bullshit”!!_**

_*This list will continue to add up as more of the bullshits come by, and that INCLUDES the NIGHTHAVENs. You lots are not the kings and queens of the base; the government is!!*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	9. AS USUAL, ANOTHER ADDITIONAL BULLSHIT UPDATES!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, or oh no...

** AS USUAL, ANOTHER ADDITIONAL BULLSHIT UPDATES!!! **

_*As usual, more bullshit from you all!*_

  1. Lesion is forever banned from having weird food eating competitions.
  2. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO WATCH OR STAR ANY PORN DURING TRAINING!!
  3. So far Buck is the only sane person not making any bullshit, keep it up. (_He will fall into the dark side! – S, M, B, K, L and many more_) (**_You stay the fuck away from my man! - J_**)
  4. Maverick, Jackal and Echo, the meeting hours are NOT a suitable time to sleep.
  5. Drinking liquids with your helmets (or wearing said helmets) is **HIGHLY** discouraged!
  6. Money is not an excuse for every damage or information needed to be hidden! As punishment, _all connections and bank accounts_ owned by NIGHTHAVEN are _suspended_ and are now **under the Rainbow Accountancy and Connections Department**!!!
  7. Smoke is forbidden from scaring Recruits during their night-time training.
  8. Do not call croissants “frilly bread” in front of the GIGN if you do not want to start a one-sided fistfight (or being a racist asshole).
  9. Stop comparing Oryx to a hissing kitten. (_We already got some and you know who they are… - LT_)
  10. I repeat, this may be Greece, but it’s still a military base. So please cease all forms of nudity activities at the shores of this island. Forms of barred nudity activities include:
  * Skinny dipping
  * Naked yoga
  * Sun-tanning
  * Nudity race or cliff jumps (_how the fuck is that a thing!!?)_
  * **SEX!!!** (**_Do it in your bedroom, this is not, I repeat, a honeymoon spot!!!)_**
  1. I am aware that every operator is meant to do their own laundry, but PLEASE do that will all of your clothes on instead of _only in your underwear_!!?
  2. Always carry a tiny knife to threaten the crow on the table. (No we are not doing that! - Harry) (**WE WILL! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT A FUCKER THAT BLACK CHICKEN IS UNTIL IT BITES YOUR FINGERS FOR YOUR FOOD!!!)**
  3. Whoever is stupid enough to tie Blackbeard’s beard with glowing matchsticks is dead meat!
  4. Stop comparing white-coloured food to cum, or lollipops and popsicles to blowjobs.
  5. Throwing multiple apples at the GIGN during training is a waste of food, a personal offence for Rook and multiple-faced bitch hours of clean-ups.
  6. I am aware that the GIGN have a lot of money, but please stop with the “show-off blings” with the NIGHTHAVENs. And how the fuck did you fuckers could afford a customisable motorsport vehicle, rifle and a Valentino dress!!?
  7. Capitao is forbidden to alter his crossbow into a fishing harpoon crossbow.

_*This list will be added if more bullshit is made and inducted in this “List of Infamy”. Keep it up and you might make a book out of it.*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	10. UPDATES FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new entry from the List of Rainbow Six Stupidity and other Short Stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to thank @glacialispictorem on Tumblr for recommending so many madness stories into this list that they have probably have introduced about more than two chapters. Next one is coming soon.

** UPDATES FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY **

_*As of this day, this list will forever be more called as the List of Rainbow Six Stupidity. Consider this as a Medal of Dishonor in your future resume.*_

  1. Gridlock and Mozzie are forbidden to punish operators from NIGHTHAVEN and Recruits by locking them in a room with “that fucking rooster and crows” together!!! We do not want a repeat of the **Birds of War** incident!!!
  2. Any side projects involving “**_making video game weapons to life_**” are **STRICTLY FORBIDDEN**!!!
  3. Stop giving Fuze and the other Spetznaz any more jackets Tachanka. It’s making them harder to move around and they are_ literally waddling like penguins_!
  4. The prank wars between the Americans and the Germans have to stop!
  5. Merits should not be measured by the number of lipstick found on helmets_. And who does that?_
  6. Smoke is forbidden to put meat kibbles for dogs in the pockets and make them run as **ALL** of the dogs chase the NIGHTHAVENs around the entire base. _Don’t be lazy on taking the dogs for their walks._
  7. Stop calling Oryx the ‘**Kool-Aid Man**’ and Iana the ‘**Other Sia’**.
  8. Amaru is forbidden to challenge other operators at _cliff-jumping swims, naked_.
  9. You are all no longer children, so stop jumping on tables and chairs while saying **“THE FLOOR IS LAVA!!!”**
  10. Smoke is forbidden to put weed in his canisters.
  11. Wamai and Kapkan are forbidden to butcher caught animals when Rook is around.
  12. Kali is forbidden to challenge others with a curry eating contest. (**_Face it, Amaru beat you! - Goyo_**)
  13. Kapkan and Bandit are forever banned from ‘The Dark Room’.
  14. If your room has a sneaky cockroach, bring Gridlock’s rooster and leave it for an hour before you clean it again.
  15. If you want your furniture to remain intact, make sure Ying does not see any house geckos.
  16. If you do not want to trigger the Tea-dorrah terror, don’t mess with the SAS tea, especially Mute and Thatcher’s.
  17. Do not…** PLAY. DESPACITO** in front of Mira, Goyo or Amaru (if it’s Jackal then you know Buck is around somewhere). Unless you want your ‘spinecito’ to be ‘brokencito’(@glacialispictorem in Tumblr)
  18. Never say “Eh, what’s up Doc?” Looney Toons style **in front of Doc unless** you want a stim needle thrown at you.

_*As motherfucking usual, this list will be added if any of you have done something stupid!!*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	11. ANOTHER UPDATE FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 days and another update!!!

**ANOTHER UPDATE FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY!!!**

_*I just added the list yesterday, why another one now!!?*_

  1. No more ‘**_Racist Food Wars’_**!!! This fight has nearly torn the team apart!!!
  2. The NIGHTHAVEN are forbidden to smuggle in any **ILLEGAL** components any operators have required any unapproved weapon projects.
  3. For your safety, **stay away from Doc if your team has Lion**. By that moment he is already in his Liam Neeson mode.
  4. Whoever is distributing the male and female anatomy vases and mugs that somehow shaped like Sledge’s cock & arse _please stop_.
  5. No more wrestling in animal suits.
  6. Everyone is forbidden to do the Hands-Free Boba Challenge if you are not flexible.
  7. No more pitchfork tossing competitions. _You nearly killed a Recruit_.
  8. **_Who is stupidly bold enough to dye all of our beards in bright colours!!?_**
  9. Doc is forbidden **_to throw his pistol at the dead victim after earning a kill_**. The reason ‘just in case’ is unacceptable.
  10. It is HIGHLY inadvisable to have a ‘sumo wrestling’ match with each other in excessive amounts of safety jackets.
  11. **_Who dared the Recruits to run around in bikinis over their armour!!?_**

_*For fuck's sake, this list will end up becoming a book if any of you are done something stupid again in the future!!*_

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي)

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	12. LATE UPDATES FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY

**LATE UPDATES FROM THE LIST OF STUPIDITY**

* _ Due to certain incidents that end up damaging the entire electrical systems of the West Wing, the latest updates have to be delayed. But that problem is finally settled now I can nag all of you to kingdom come!* _

_ _   
_ _

  1. No form of chaos allowed on birthdays._ Be the bringer of the cake not chaos._
  2. Blackbeard's dancing should be avoided _at all costs_!!!
  3. **The Deadly Alliance** should not be gathered at one spot at the same time. If seen, immediately report to the nearest commanding officer.
  4. The Star Wars event is **_one-day only_**. We will never do it again!!!
  5. Never mess up a cooking recipe in front of Maestro. Intentionally.
  6. There will be no late night beach parties near the “_sex caves_”.
  7. On summer, **any forms of erotic swimwear** are forbidden.
  8. Please stop with the summer pin-up posters, it’s still spring.
  9. Do not steal Mute’s hidden secret candy stash. That little shit is a gremlin and will, I quote, “_shove anal beads right up your fucking tight asses and train you to be my second bottom bitch!!!_”
  10. Do not make any challenges that are stupidly dangerous just to replace the Winnie The Pooh Jar tradition hunt.
  11. Maverick and Thermite should not be left alone with a flamethrower at **ANY COSTS**!!!
  12. If anyone argues it's an hour in the corner and the Get Along shirt.
  13. Don’t even try to counter Oryx with a flying kick. You will only receive a broken leg instead.
  14. Buck, did you play the accordion late at night? Say yes or no here. ⇒ (<strike>Y</strike>/**N**)_ I play harmonica, not accordion. Ask Jackal - Buck_
  15. Any shield operator is forbidden to be equipped with a mace.
  16. The NIGHTHAVEN are forbidden to _smuggle in all ancient weapons into the base_ again.
  17. Someone bring Rook away from Doc when he is in his Kill Bill Mode!!!
  18. **The Xenomorph robot is forever banned from the arena and is forever locked in the Dark Room!!!**
  19. Never feed the seagulls with the prawn chips **EVER**!!!
  20. Never wear a gecko suit and chase Ying around the base.
  21. Iana’s holo drones are not meant to be used to_ display other operators’ nudity_.
  22. Jäger should stay away from any helicopters when drunk.
  23. Whoever is in charge of the marching Recruits please don’t make them sing something stupid.

_ _   
_ _

* _ PLEASE STOP WITH THIS INSANITY!!! _ *

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي) 

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of 

Attacker Team of Rainbow  Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)

_   
_


	13. APRIL FOOLS UPDATE DISASTERS FOR THE LIST OF STUPIDITY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April Fools Day Update Notice!!

**APRIL FOOLS UPDATE DISASTERS FOR THE LIST OF STUPIDITY**

*Since it’s the day of the fools, all pranks and all-scale wars and fights will not be recorded into the list of stupidity, as promised. However, any form of injuries, damages, etc. will be reported to Harry and their respective Commanding Officers. On this very day, all medics led by Doc _ have the right to handcuff and/or chain the injured to the bedposts _ to avoid making their injuries worse.

Any damages on the property and furniture will be paid from your pay cuts, because the Accounting team only agreed to pay 15% of the damages done.  **The Medical Bay and The Dark Room is off limits!!!**

If anybody has any idea to prank Doc or any other certain operators, be prepared to defend yourself because some of them have the permits to ** CARRY THEIR PERSONAL WEAPONS/BLADES** around for this very day.

_ And remember, don’t even make Rook cry!!! _

Good luck, and may the best prankster win and the losers clean up ALL OF THE MESS!*

_ *GOOD LUCK TRYING NOT TO DIE, BECAUSE IT’S ALL ON YOU* _

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي) 

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of 

Attacker Team of Rainbow Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)


	14. NEW RULES AFTER APRIL FOOLS

**NEW RULES AFTER APRIL FOOLS**

_ *As we agreed on, anything that happens after April Fools Day will be resumed to be recorded into the list. So here it is!* _

    1. _Whose idea is it to buy a Go Kart on the track fields?_
    2. No one is allowed to use Iana’s holos with Tachanka’s twerking.
    3. Ela is forbidden to use her concussion mines for pranks.
    4. Don’t start a ‘Yo Mama’ joke battle with Castle, you will definitely lose.
    5. Do not ask Ela or Glaz to “Draw you like their French Girls”. _You will only receive a detailed sketch of a middle finger._
    6. If Maverick is found drunk from vodka, make sure he’s_ far away_ from _any fire-related items._
    7. Don’t even think of trying to bribe the IT personnel, they’re specifically trained to ignore and push you away from their work **IN ANY MEANS NECESSARY**.
    8. Mira is not allowed to_ WWE on Kali_ upon many other tables, chairs and ladders. _Doc will never pay for any of the damages._
    9. Lion is forbidden to use the amplifiers for _‘Early Morning Electric Guitar Riffs’_.
    10. Do not mess with everyone’s night and daily routine beauty products or you are inside out.
    11. **_NEVER. INSULT. WARDEN’S. SUITS! _**He will karate you to kingdom come.
    12. Do not let Smoke get his hands on the cringey music lists! Or else Rule no. 13 happens!
    13. **_Blackbeard is forbidden to do ‘The Dance’._**
    14. **_Who on earth is making all these weird purchases online!!?_**
    15. No one is allowed to cook using lasers.
    16. Echo is forbidden to alter the toaster into a _toaster missile gun_!
    17. **_Whoever has changed the tea bag leaves with weed is dead meat!!!_**
    18. If Thatcher is around, stop yelling/calling him **The Fook Man**!!!
    19. Please stop the musical vines/videos that show off your assets.
    20. I don’t care if the weather’s hot, _**Maestro**_ has no solid reason to**_ run around in his European swimwear and thongs_**.
    21. **The War of the Holy Citrus** shall forever be banned ever again!!!
    22. Blackbeard and Tachanka are banned from giving twerking lap dances.
    23. Enough with the **PIE WARS**!!!
    24. There will be no more secret armour projects for ‘The Lord Tachanka!!!’ I forbid it!!!

_ *And now, back to your every week bullshit daily social lives...* _

Agreed and Decreed with by Harry’s reluctance,

(M.BKR) ( جلال الفاسي) 

(Mike ’Thatcher’ Baker) (Jalal ‘Kaid’ al-Fassi)

Commanding Leader of Commanding Leader of 

Attacker Team of Rainbow  Defender Team of Rainbow

(if you got any other ideas, type it out in the comments below)

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me and ask anything at @mirrorworldangel on Tumblr.


End file.
